One of the perks of being a teacher is that you get to go on exciting training days. Ha, just kidding! During the last two weeks I’ve had to sit through some essential, but rather dull training sessions. The first was quite painful, so when it came to the second training day I asked my colleague to listen for me so I could do some very important jobs…like plan my class assembly.
I usually head for a seat at the back so I can multi-task, make the most of a sit down, and day dream out of the window. It reminds me of French lessons at school. I’d sit at the back and stare at the Pennines. Occasionally I got caught out and the French teacher would ask me to read. His usual comment was, ” Great accent, but you’re not actually saying much”. Is it unethical for a teacher to be proud of “scoring” minus 26 in a French dictation ?
It’s ironic that since leaving school I studied second language acquisition at a Spanish University and have been known to teach basic Mandarin, Arabic and ‘Norfolk, (requested by a Reception pupil last year) I suppose it just proves that, thankfully, what you study at school doesn’t always determine your future career. Apparently my name was ‘notorious’ in the staffroom. I remember having to look up the word to see whether it was an accurate description of me or not. It might have been… Of course I’m not proud……
I digress. The following poem was written during one of my recent training sessions. I should add a disclaimer. Not all training sessions are dull. Some are even entertaining.
Training Daze
I’m sitting in the training
And staring at a screen
Two clever men are rambling
It’s all a blur to me
……….
I’m struggling through the training
My mind has gone off track
I’ve lost 2 hours of life now
I will never get them back
……..
I’m dozing in the training
I think I’m going to die
My yawn is getting louder
And my life is passing by
……….
I’m twitching in the training
It really is quite bad
Imprisoned by the trainers
I fear I’m going mad
………….
My mind has gone all mushy
I’m fiddling with my phone
My colleague’s checking twitter
I wish I could go home
………..
I’m puzzled by the data
Bewildered by reports
While colour coded assessment sheets
Give me infuriating thoughts
…………
I’m nodding at the trainer
And feign I understand
I’ve no idea what’s going on
I’m in my own dreamland
………..
I’m wishing it was Friday
And dreaming of the sun
My thoughts are on my holiday
The cocktails, beach and fun
…………..
I’m sure I left my lights on
Perhaps I should just see
A brief escape, a toilet break
I’ll sneak out silently
…………
I evaluate the training
On a form with dots and lines
The biscuits get a “useful”
I feel I’ve just done time.
