One of the perks of being a teacher is that you get to go on exciting training days. Ha, just kidding! During the last two weeks I’ve had to sit through some essential, but  rather dull training sessions. The first was quite painful, so when it came to the second training day I asked my colleague  to listen for me so I could do some very important jobs…like plan my class assembly.

I usually head for a seat at the back so I can multi-task, make the most of a sit down, and day dream out of the window. It reminds me of French lessons at school. I’d sit at the back and stare at the Pennines.  Occasionally I got caught out and the French teacher would ask me to read. His usual comment was, ” Great accent, but you’re not actually saying much”. Is it unethical for a teacher to be proud of “scoring” minus 26 in a French dictation ?

It’s ironic that since leaving school I studied second language acquisition at a Spanish University and have been known to teach basic Mandarin, Arabic and ‘Norfolk, (requested by a Reception pupil last year)  I suppose it just proves that, thankfully, what you study at school doesn’t always determine your future career.  Apparently my name was ‘notorious’ in the staffroom. I remember having to look up the word to see whether it was an accurate description of me or not. It might have been… Of course I’m not proud……

I digress. The following poem was written during one of my recent training sessions. I should add a disclaimer. Not all training sessions are dull. Some are even entertaining.

 

Training Daze

I’m sitting in the training

And staring at a screen

Two clever men are rambling

It’s all a blur to me

……….

I’m struggling through the training

My mind has gone off track

I’ve lost 2 hours of life now

I will never get them back

……..

I’m dozing in the training

I think I’m going to die

My yawn is getting louder

And my life is passing by

……….

 I’m twitching in the training

It really is quite bad

Imprisoned by the trainers

I fear I’m going mad

………….

My mind has gone all mushy

I’m fiddling with my phone

My colleague’s checking twitter

I wish I could go home

………..

I’m puzzled by the data

Bewildered by reports

While colour coded assessment sheets

Give me infuriating thoughts

…………

I’m nodding at the trainer

 And feign I understand

I’ve no idea what’s going on

I’m in my own dreamland

………..

I’m wishing it was Friday

And dreaming of the sun

My thoughts are on my holiday

The cocktails, beach and fun

…………..

I’m sure I left my lights on

Perhaps I should just see

A brief escape, a toilet break

I’ll sneak out silently

…………

I evaluate the training

On a form with dots and lines

The biscuits get a “useful”

I feel I’ve just done time.